Being a doctor is something I have dreamed of since I can remember. Sure, when I was little the thought of being a teacher and maybe even a princess crossed my mind but being a doctor is a dream, I've never been able to shake. There has always been something about medicine, learning about the human body, and helping other people that has intrigued and inspired me. I am sure any of you fellow pre-med students can relate to this. It is hard to imagine becoming anything else honestly. This journey I am on is long and it's hard, but I want it more than anything. When classes get hard, and the pressure gets tough, I look back on being ten years old when the dream really started. Looking back, being ten again, it reminds me why I am working so hard and why I want to keep working hard to achieve my dreams. Dreaming and having goals you want to achieve is so important. I encourage all of you, college students or not, to find a dream and create a goal for yourself.
For my tenth birthday I asked my parents for a tour of a hospital, and they made it happen. I didn't ask for clothes, toys, or a trip, I asked for a hospital tour because I wanted to be a doctor. I'm not sure if either of them realizes how much that day affected me. Truthfully, it wasn’t until this past year that I realized how influential that day was. I remember walking through the hospital wearing my personalized white coat and my pretty blue dress with white flowers. I got to talk with doctors and nurses, see how the hospital worked, go into surgery rooms, and wear surgical scrubs that made me feel like the coolest ten-year-old in the world. The doctors treated me with respect and not like a little kid they needed to simply entertain. Each doctor and nurse I met treated me like I was one of them. They answered my questions, gave me advice, and made me feel like one day I could be one of them. This was one of the moments in my life where I realized I wanted to be a doctor. It was people like those doctors, those nurses, and my parents that made me feel like I was capable. At this point I obviously didn't realize or fully understand the work that went into becoming a doctor. I knew at some level that it would be hard, but I was ten and wearing rose colored glasses. I think because I didn't fully understand the journey and what it would take, I was able to see the magic and the intrigue without any self-doubt, stress, or fear. Today as a pre-med college student the feelings of self-doubt, stress, and fear fill my mind constantly. I always feel like I am not smart enough or that I'm not capable of achieving my dreams. There have been moments when I’ve been on the phone with my mom in tears because I got a bad grade on a test and thought it was over. I know remembering that day in the hospital at ten years old isn't going to get me into medical school or help me get a 4.0 in the fall, but it does help inspire me and remind me of why I should keep pushing. I think so many of us could benefit from looking back and remembering the way we saw things when we were ten. The possibilities of the world were endless, and we believed in ourselves.
One more moment I look back on is the times I played doctor at my grandma and grandpas' house. I don't remember how old I was, but I know I used far too much of my grandmas' ink and paper to act out my dream. Like my parents I don't think my grandma realized how much this affected me. My grandma printed blank medical forms off the internet and let me turn her house into my own doctor's office. My patients were my stuffed animals, my American girl dolls, my little brother, and my grandparents. I kept every patient form and I think it was just recently that my grandma finally found them in my room and threw them away. I had played school and many other things at their house before but when I played doctor I was, without knowing, manifesting my dreams. While I played doctor and diagnosed my dolls with random diseases, I was having fun and I didn't realize what it took to become a doctor. I had no idea what organic chemistry was or the dreaded MCAT, but I knew being a doctor is what I wanted. The rose-colored glasses were on my eyes again and truthfully; I didn't take them off until this past year.
It was within this past year that I've thought back to the hospital tour and the days of playing at my grandparents the most. This past year made me wish I was ten years old again. Now, I know I will never be ten again, but I can use the memories to my advantage. When chemistry and biology have kicked my butt and when I've felt like I wasn't smart enough the memories helped pushed me through. Some people might think it's silly to use ten-year-old memories and wishes as motivation, but it works for me. I know that my journey still has a lot of time left before it's complete and I can only imagine the obstacles I will face but its memories and moments like those that remind me why I put myself through it all. I challenge you to think back, look at the world the way you did when you were ten. Take that perception and those feelings and push through the current trials and tribulations life has thrown your way.
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I love this! These memories are so sweet. You’re going to be an amazing doctor.