This post is for the college student who feels like they do not fit in. The student who has never attended a party (and really does not have any interest.) The student that does not drink or vape. The one that enjoys being in bed by 9:30 (if not sooner.) The student who does not want to attend every university function and the student who likes to study alone sometimes rather than going to the library with a group of friends.
This post is for those people who do not experience FOMO (fear of missing out) but instead fear that they are weird for having different interests, different ideas of fun, and different boundaries than those around them.
You are not alone and guess what, there is nothing wrong with you.
The other day I was talking with one of my friends about these feelings that have affected us in college. I expressed that I often felt weird and that I often felt like something was wrong with me. There have been times when all I want to do is stay home and organize my closet, clean my fridge, or watch my favorite TV show. I never think about what parties are going on or what gossip I have not heard; I am happy in my own company and happy relaxing in my own way. While these things are normal it always made me feel like something was wrong with me for not wanting to go out with people. I never understood why I did not view drinking and partying as fun. It caused this internal conflict because I did not understand why my ideas of fun were so dramatically different from many of my peers.
The conversation with my friend made me wonder how many high school and college students out there feel this way. I also began to wonder how many people out there have forced themselves to do things with other people just to feel normal, I know I have a time or two.
Now, do not get me wrong, I enjoy spending time with people, I am not entirely anti-social. I spend time with my boyfriend who is also my best friend, I study with some of my friends from time to time, I go on walks often with my grandma, I went to the lake with one of my best friends this summer, I go on girls trips with my mom and grandma, and I have even gone to workout classes with one of friends. While this list might not sound interesting or “fun” to a lot of college students, they are all things that genuinely bring me joy and fulfillment. Just because my definition of fun as a twenty-year-old is not drinking or going out multiple nights a week does not mean that I am strange or that I am not having a fun time in college. What I am emphasizing in this post is that I do things with others, but I also stay in and enjoy time with myself. I have a balance between socializing and alone time. I have a balance between productivity and fun.
I want to give anyone out there experiencing this some tips and advice to remember when these feelings strike again. This is something I still get in my head about, but I would say that within the past six months I have gotten a lot better about accepting myself, what I enjoy, what I am comfortable with, etc.
First, remember the importance of balance. Like I mentioned there are times when I want to socialize, when I want to study with others, when I want to work out with others, etc. But there are also times when I want to be at home watching Gilmore Girls in my room, when I want to study alone with my air pods in, and when I want to work out alone. None of these options are right or wrong and they are all valid. Without a balance between socialization and solitude, or between productivity and relaxation, life would get exhausting, overwhelming, and those feelings of joy and fulfillment would be decreased if not eventually diminished.
Second, find and surround yourself with people that understand and support you. One of my best friends invited me to the lake for her birthday but I had to decline because I will be taking a practice MCAT that day. Instead of being upset with me she gave me her support and wished me luck. In the past I have said yes to certain invites out of fear. Fear that if I declined, I would never get an invite again. When I turned down my friend's lake trip invite, I was not afraid that I would lose her as a friend and that she would be annoyed and stop inviting me. Instead, I knew that my friend would be understanding of my situation and would give me the support that a friend should.
Let me tell you one thing I have learned... any “friend” who stops hanging out with you because you have prior engagements like a practice MCAT or because you simply felt like staying in that night is not being a good friend to you in that moment. They are not understanding or supporting you, your choices, or your boundaries.
College is depicted in movies as “the best years of your life” and honestly college has been fantastic for me, but it has not been like what the movies depict.
If you are like me and have felt weird or like you do not fit in because you are not having that “traditional” college experience, like they show in movies, remember you 1) are not alone and 2) you are not weird. You will find your place, your people, and your routine where you fit in and feel immense amounts of joy and fulfillment.
If you read all the way to the end; thank you.
I love you all and am forever grateful for the support,
Chasadea
Don’t forget to follow me over on Instagram @chasadea.premed and on Tik Tok @chasadea
Awesome job sharing your feelings and putting into words what others are unable to do!